My boyfriend is a complete jerk at times. (Hi sweetheart!) It doesn’t matter how many times I talk to him about the things he does that hurt me, he keeps on doing them. In his mind, he is doing no wrong. He has no ill intention and he believes I shouldn’t have any issues with what he does, so he sees no need to change. He’s a good man. Honourable in fact. So I know what he does isn’t supposed to hurt me, but it does.
That’s not us in the picture for this blog, by the way. I always try to think of something cool for us to do in photos but come up with nothing.
I just wish he could see things from my perspective so that he can see the error of his ways and change. Change….. hmmm....... I guess expecting him to change for me doesn't make me a very good partner. Even I can see that. Plus, believing that he is ever going to change is probably pretty silly. Perhaps it’s more me I need to look at here.
When he does these things that hurt me, who is really hurting me? Well, my belief is that things only hurt us if we have unhealed wounds. Wounds that extend as far back as our childhood, and more often than not, have nothing to do with the situations we find ourselves hurt in as adults. In other words, all that he is doing when he ‘hurts’ me is hitting a nerve and reopening existing wounds. Wounds that really need to be healed unless we want to see history repeat itself over and over again. Different people hurting us the same way as others who we had walked away from previously. Attracting the same old shit and wondering why our lives won’t get any better.
Unfortunately, in my experience, healing old wounds can be pretty tough. You have to be brave enough to come face to face with the stuff you have shoved so deep that even yo’ mumma wouldn’t find it. It’s often uncomfortable and unpleasant and you’ll most likely want to run from it again. But if you manage to weather the storm, a whole new world will open up. You will be lighter, happier and more 'you'. Best of all, you will realise that people who you used to think hurt you were merely mirrors, showing you what emotional baggage you had been hanging on to.
That’s what I’ve come to the realisation of in my relationship – my boyfriend is actually doing me a favour by doing things that invoke negative emotional responses from me. Of course, this would be different if he was doing the things to specifically hurt me, but he’s not. I’m certainly not condoning people who are horrible to their partners in relationships for the sake of being mean or for their own personal gain.
My boyfriend is my mirror and I am grateful for that. I can either have the balls to face my own issues and grow into a much happier person (and partner), or spend the rest of our, ultimately doomed, relationship pointing the finger at him and telling him what he is always doing wrong. I’m going to try for the former.
Have you had a partner that has been your mirror? How did it work out?